Why, Despite My Affection for High-End Coffee Drinks and Boutique Hotel Lobbies, I Will Never Be Fully Gentrified

Yah, ‘cuz “a few days” spent on a photo shoot with them dern country folk earns you the right to drop yer gerunds.

(Broken in, so you won’t have to weary yourself.)

Also, do you even know what “rustlin'” means? (Hint: STEALING LIVESTOCK.)

Climbing off my high horse (a stubby grumpy donkey, really) to be fair (and I’m serious here): MADE IN USA. So in an instance of unironic irony, this refined purveyor and its customers are actually supporting those good ol’ American values we hear so much about (and that are unintentionally lampooned in the ad copy). I salute them, and should get back to work myself. Hugs all around.

But give me a minute.

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