SneezingCow.com

Home of Michael Perry – Author, Humorist, Singer/Songwriter, Amateur Pig Farmer

Posts Tagged ‘FAQ’

How Can We Help You Make the Most Money?

Every now and then someone asks a question along the following lines (in this case I am quoting a fellow named Dennis):

Do you make more money if I buy the new book through sneezingcow rather than a local bookstore? What about through Amazon? Does your take vary w/ where things are purchased?
 
   I ask this not in the “authors are so stinking greedy running their own websites” way but the “how do I best support authors I like when I buy their books” way.
Here’s my answer:
Bottom line, I make a couple more bucks if you purchase a signed book from the website. BUT if a local independent bookstore is available, I’d prefer you buy there (you can also order indie online), as they have supported me widely. ULTIMATELY I’d rather have readers over the long term than a few bucks in the short term, and I also know what it is to live life on a budget, so wherever you decide to shop/order/download I am grateful for your support.
Hope that helps, and I don’t use that word “grateful” lightly. Bottom line is we have a little two-person family business here, and like many businesses it’s year-to-year…but the fact that we are able to make the mortgage and health insurance payments by me writing and performing continues is a blessing indeed, and one we don’t take for granted.

 

Posted in FAQ and tagged

The Rectum? Really?

In Coop I included a section on bovine artificial insemination. Although I strive to write only the most delicate prose, at one point I do set a scene in which the insemination technician (we just called him “the breeder man”) has his arm well up a cow’s rectum.

This has elicited questions from the reading public. They are not alone. Their very same query was raised previously during the editing process. So perhaps the best way to provide the definitive answer is to share a portion of the original exchange.

It began with an email from my editor’s assistant, Jason:

The proofreader raised two questions for you, which I copied below.  Please do let us know where you stand on these finer points of husbandry.

Thanks,
Jason

The note from the proofreader read:

Cows: In the description of inseminating the cows on p. 65, the author writes, “all things considered, their reaction to having a stranger’s arm elbow-deep up the rectum was positively restrained.”  The proofreader wondered whether, since the cows are being inseminated, “rectum” was correct–should it read “vagina” instead?

I replied with an email of my own:

I can respectfully state from a position of firm authority that “rectum” is correct.  The arm is inserted in that specific orifice in order to perform “rectal palpation,” a discomfiting but functional procedure allowing the inseminator to grasp and manipulate the bovine cervix through the pliable rectal wall in a manner calculated to guide insertion of the insemination pipette through the rings of the cervix and into the uterus.  To sum up, and for future reference: Arm in rectum, pipette in vagina.

I was quite proud of myself.  Country mouse educating the folks in New York city, that whole bit.  But my smug didn’t last long, because with one well-placed deadpan pun, Jason hit the gamewinner:

Great–thanks for the big picture.  I’ll rectify the proofreader.

What Did You Write In My Book?

Sometimes I get emails from people wondering what I’ve written in their books.  When asked I personalize them as the reader wishes, but in general I sign a specific thing for each book:

Population 485: Welcome to “Nobbern!” (We locals call New Auburn “Nobbern” or “Nauburn” or any variant spelling thereof.)

Off Main Street: I draw an empty thought bubble above the author photo.  You can fill in your own saying or — this is frankly more appropriate — simply leave the bubble empty.

Truck: Double Clutch! This phrase will be understood by drivers of a certain age.  Failing that, it is explained in the book.

Coop: Oink-a-doodle-doo! Meant to reflect the inclusion of both pigs and chickens in the book.  Sadly, due to my fitful penmanship, many people think I have written, Dink-a-doodle-doo.

Are you still on the New Auburn fire department?

In 2007, my wife and I had the opportunity to take over my mother-in-law’s farmstead near Fall Creek, Wisconsin.  I am no longer in the New Auburn fire district, but am pleased to say I am now allowed to carry a pager for the local volunteer rescue service in my township*, and I still make it back to “Nobbern” regularly to see the Beagle, help out at Jamboree Days, and attend the annual banquet with all my NAAFD pals.  In other words, we’re still neighbors.

*I am required to complete a refresher course (currently a 28-hour module) every two years to maintain my licensure. Sometimes my book tours and/or road schedule preclude my attending in a timely manner, in which case I revert to “inactive” status until I can complete the requirements (I often have to piece together more than one refresher). This is a tidbit of interest to only a tiny wedge of folks but I include it here as some of my publicity materials and bios refer to me as an “active” member of the local fire or rescue services, and although I am now in my third decade of EMS service, I didn’t want to appear to be misrepresenting the department on account of a technicality. There: The explanation is officially longer than the post.