Posts Tagged ‘cows’ |  

Thank you to Jim Fleming and Wisconsin Public Radio for the gracious reading of Coop.  It’s a humbling honor to hear that coming out of the radio.  And for two weeks I’ve been running into folks who’ve caught a listen.  One of those things a guy never expected…and as a lifelong cheesehead, even more meaningful.

They’re reading a chapter of Coop on Wisconsin Public Radio every day from now until February 12. If you missed a segment, the five most recent chapters are available here: http://wpr.org/webcasting/audioarchives_display.cfm?Code=cad&repeats=no (not sure for how long).

Some of you have already noticed, but there’s something new over there in the “Featured Items” slot.

I’ve said it before, but if you’re ever in the Chippewa Valley, a visit to the Chippewa Valley Museum is worth your mileage.  It’s an unobtrusive structure settled close to the earth beneath big white pines remnant of the lumbering days of yore (that filled nearby Half Moon Lake with sawdust).  Their Farm Life exhibit (and the word exhibit doesn’t convey the half of it) has attracted national attention.  I don’t know how to describe it other than to say it’s real, heartfelt, and right. They’ve just posted some YouTube clips to convey a sense of it.

In Coop I included a section on bovine artificial insemination. Although I strive to write only the most delicate prose, at one point I do set a scene in which the insemination technician (we just called him “the breeder man”) has his arm well up a cow’s rectum.

This has elicited questions from the reading public. They are not alone. Their very same query was raised previously during the editing process. So perhaps the best way to provide the definitive answer is to share a portion of the original exchange.

It began with an email from my editor’s assistant, Jason:

The proofreader raised two questions for you, which I copied below.  Please do let us know where you stand on these finer points of husbandry.

Thanks,
Jason

The note from the proofreader read:

Cows: In the description of inseminating the cows on p. 65, the author writes, “all things considered, their reaction to having a stranger’s arm elbow-deep up the rectum was positively restrained.”  The proofreader wondered whether, since the cows are being inseminated, “rectum” was correct–should it read “vagina” instead?

I replied with an email of my own:

I can respectfully state from a position of firm authority that “rectum” is correct.  The arm is inserted in that specific orifice in order to perform “rectal palpation,” a discomfiting but functional procedure allowing the inseminator to grasp and manipulate the bovine cervix through the pliable rectal wall in a manner calculated to guide insertion of the insemination pipette through the rings of the cervix and into the uterus.  To sum up, and for future reference: Arm in rectum, pipette in vagina.

I was quite proud of myself.  Country mouse educating the folks in New York city, that whole bit.  But my smug didn’t last long, because with one well-placed deadpan pun, Jason hit the gamewinner:

Great–thanks for the big picture.  I’ll rectify the proofreader.

Over here I’m writing about cows and referencing artificial insemination.