SneezingCow.com » dumb farmer

I Trust I’m Not the First

MikePerry — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 12:41:19 +0000

Was struck recently by how distinctly different “Big White Cloud” sounds from the rest of J.J. Cale’s work, then a couple weeks in figured out it was John, not J.J.

Yesterday…

MikePerry — Wed, 27 Jul 2011 10:36:01 +0000

…was a good day. Up at 6 a.m. to write for a while, then chores. Tried to start tractor but it wouldn’t. Got a little cranky. Wiggled things, lifted hood, pulled mouse nest from beneath air cleaner, wiggled more things. Tried battery charger. Nothing. Stared futilely. Decided to call mechanic. Called mother-in-law first (she owns tractor). She said check that you don’t have the emergency brake on or something. Yah, right, I thought. Tried tractor one more time, realized I had PTO engaged, which locks ignition. Got tractor started. Moved both chicken coops. Moved fence. Took a timeout to speak with editor about how, um, new book was coming along. Finished moving chickens. Fed pigs. Took car in for service. Worked on new book for three hours while car being serviced. Home and loaded 1951 International pickup with wheat, moved wheat to granary, gave a couple forkfuls to voracious chickens. Split a pile of wood the size of a smallish igloo. Then kissed wife, daughters, ate homegrown greens and homegrown pork chop. Then back to work on book until late. Sometimes you simply can’t explain your good luck so when you finally shut the chickens in* you stand there and look up at a billion stars and whisper, thanks.

*To be absolutely accurate and in the interest of harmony at home, let it be known that last night my wife shut the chickens in.

Just Cut…

MikePerry — Mon, 06 Jun 2011 20:21:00 +0000

…a bunch of hay with the scythe. Well, not a bunch, but a pickup truck full. One begins eyeing the price of used haybines…

Chicken Out

MikePerry — Sat, 28 May 2011 12:36:54 +0000

Raggedy old rooster-pecked chicken got out yesterday. Nowhere in sight at dusk. Out and about this morning. Would-be farmer tries to get chicken back in. Kindness fails, patience nonexistent, farmer defaults to what he learned as defensive end for 3-3 New Auburn Trojans football team in 1982. Chicken wins, farmer realizes why he never got that football scholarship.*

*a football scholarship to nursing school…now that would’ve been nifty.

Evolution of a Pig Hutch

MikePerry — Tue, 24 May 2011 09:35:23 +0000

Four years ago I scored a major scavenge: a giant plastic pig hutch made from an industrial chemical storage silo cut in half with a Sawzall by a man named Garth. Garth was using both halves to house heifers, but when he got out of the business he said I could have the hutch for free. The only catch was that I had to haul it home – an adventure I’ll describe some other time. Let’s just say that thing is impossibly heavy (the plastic is over a half-inch thick…you can’t budge it without a tractor and hydraulic loader) and was 11 feet, seven inches wide. If the DOT had been on patrol that evening, I’d still be filling out paperwork and they would be auctioning off my truck and trailer. I mean, this thing was big:

Rest of the story (and action photos!) after the page break.

You can see the hutch in the background of this photo:

It was the perfect hutch…allowing enough light so the pigs were emotionally uplifted, but impermeable to sun, wind and rain. The only catch was that it was so heavy that the only way to move it was to waller it around with the tractor and loader. I know it looks like a little plastic thing, but trust me, it’s dense.

So for three years I’d push it here and there, wherever I wanted to put the pigs. We’ve got another batch on the way soon (they’re here now!), so the other day I took the tractor out back (over winter the hutch served as…umm…a deer blind) and proceeded to flip the hutch over on its roof like I always do (it’s easier to push around that way). Only this time when it flopped I heard a strange sound – a combo of cracking and tearing. My view was obstructed by the end wall of the hutch, but my buddy Mills was helping me, and when I looked at him he had his wide-eyed-dismay face on.

Dang thing split. Two big cracks running half the length of the structure. My best free score ever, and I broke it.

After Mills consoled me (I kept saying, “It was free… It was free…), I got to looking the situation over. It was clearly suck it up and walk it off time.

I fetched the Sawzall (OK, my wimpy version of a Sawzall) (I went through about six battery changes), and began doing this:

And when I was done, we had one reconfigured pig hutch…

…and two piggy cabanas!

Why Rome Wasn’t Built in a Day But May Indeed Fall That Quickly

MikePerry — Fri, 06 May 2011 12:56:55 +0000

Because I burned fifteen minutes fruitlessly searching through nine years of archived emails in search of a friend’s snail mail address before I thought to look in my ADDRESS BOOK, where there it was.

…of Course I Could Be Wrong

MikePerry — Fri, 08 Apr 2011 12:27:45 +0000

In what has become an established pattern my wife recently suggested that something might be (A) and I smiled indulgently and assured her, no, it definitely wasn’t (A) and was pretty clearly (B) and furthermore I forthwith rose from the table and went outside to verify and then did not return for quite some time because I was hoping by the time I came back she’d have forgotten I said it was pretty clearly (B) when sure enough it was resoundingly (A).

In this case (A) and (B) involved differing recollections regarding the plumbing setup for a cattle waterer, but really the variables are irrelevant; it’s the general trend that’s worrisome.

Theoretical Beef

MikePerry — Thu, 07 Apr 2011 12:38:27 +0000

Had a meeting with my wife and my pal Mills last night, planning for this year’s protein projects. Deciding how many meat chickens to raise, how many pigs, and whether or not we’ll be able to pull off raising some beef. As many of you know, I had the same plans for last year but due to my schedule, wound up raising “theoretical beef.” They’re very easy to care for, inexpensive, and you can just go on and on about your operation without ever having to actually drive a fencepost.

Beef, Maybe

MikePerry — Mon, 14 Mar 2011 20:44:42 +0000

After recording some Tent Show Radio things this morning, went to visit some folks with a real nice grass-fed beef operation. Grateful for their time and insights. Today is one of those days where my wife and I are thinking a few head of beef are the last thing we need. Kinda overloaded right now. But then you look at the hillside getting overgrown with boxelder and think of a cow grazing through there…

Pigs and Hope

MikePerry — Thu, 10 Mar 2011 17:14:24 +0000

From here I can see the pig hutch marooned in the snow (open end is turned toward the woods…it doubled as a deer blind in November). Plan is to get pigs again this summer, use’em (temporarily…) to till up some more garden ground. I hope so. Schedule is such that I’ll need help to pull it off, but it looks like that will happen.

With every passing day, the pigs and garden feel ever more essential. Last night the three-year-old and I made a bunch of miniature snowmen, practiced throwing (and eating) snowballs, and went scouting for deer. Highlight was when she threw a snowball and her mitten went with it. Funniest thing ever, apparently. And the joy in her voice when she spotted two deer pawing around beneath a young pine…

Full circle to backyard bacon and potatoes, though, is that moment when you look at the tot laughing there in the snow, standing on ground that stretches all the way around the shaky world, and you feel a flood of chill wondering how/if you’ll get her safely fed and growed and guided…

Then you just say, well, alrighty then, suck it up, walk it off, and get to it.