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Home of Michael Perry – Author, Humorist, Singer/Songwriter, Amateur Pig Farmer

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Archive for November, 2010

Double Dads, Beer Tents, Hair Fires, and Male Nurses

Sneezing Cow Podcast, Episode #1: Mike and Al discuss yodeling, spit cups, and fatherhood, and Mike reads an essay about fatherhood. LIVE AUDIENCE CLIP: Mike tells the beer tent story (and the hair loss story, and the nursing degree story).

NOTE: This is our first podcast…there’ll be a learning curve (for example, in future episodes with Al, I shall strive to be less giggly).  Please note the download link below if you prefer to listen on another device.

Long Beds Concert Photos

I never forget that the books, the typing, the attention to words in my little room all alone is what keeps this ramshackle thing of mine afloat.  But barring Oprah or a blockbuster, my little family also survives through what your big-shot financial adviser types refer to as diversification.  In our case diversification includes t-shirt sales, speaking events, one-man shows, home canning, chickens, and my wife’s work as a translator and language instructor.

And, making music with the Long Beds.  Among the singular privileges of my life (is singular privileges an oxymoron?), I rank sharing the stage with musicians (defined as someone who knows more than just three chords and flubs his own lyrics) as a Top Ten for sure.  So when photographer Dick Ainsworth was kind enough to share an album of photographs from a show we did in Spring Green last year, I figured it would be a chance to say thanks to the Beds.  And I think you will agree, Mr. Ainsworth is good with that camera.

So.  Apropos of nothing more than gratitude to my band, here is the work of Dick Ainsworth:

Barter

Truck tire been going flat for about six months now.  Slow leaker.  Finally pulled it and dropped it off with Scott.  As I was unloading the tire I spotted the head of a drywall screw nestled deep in the treads.  “I have identified the problem for you,” I said, very helpfully pointing to the screw head.  Understand, Scott is a man who can strip your car down to the studs and rebuild it, whereas I am a man whose mechanical skills are the equivalent of a rubber mallet.

Anyway, just got off the phone.  Tire needed a patch, but it’s repaired and ready to go.  And best of all, I am told the bill has come to a couple dozen eggs and a signed paperback.

I have to be careful about slinging endorsements around.  Not so much because I don’t want to, but because once you begin, the floodgates open, and you can’t do every deserving person/business justice.  But I’ve mentioned Scott in the past, and I’ll say it again:  If, like me, you possess less-than-remedial mechanical skills, you know what a treasure a talented and trustworthy mechanic can be.  Scott is all of that and more.  His garage is named after his son, and I can assure you agnostics get great service too.

Auction Addiction

I have written in the past about how my buddy Mills and I have auction addictions.  We enable each other, and not in a good way.  And now that good ol’ roughneck auctions are online…oh my.  I just burned five hours emptying some stranger’s basement (Mills had to “teach” a “class” at “the last minute”) (riiiiiight…).  Based on what we saw online, I thought I was picking up four – maybe five – boxes of things.  Um.  Mills’ Dodge Ram full-size box stacked wall-to-wall.

Details?  Maybe in a book someday.  Will say we can now build our dream home…entirely from used produce crates.

I did finally – finally – get the shop vise of my dreams.

A few produce boxes?  And a vice?  That’s not enough to fill a truck box, you say?  Funny, my wife adopted a similar line of inquiry…

At least I didn’t buy a tractor by accident.  As I wrote back in 2006:

Went to an auction yesterday.  One of those happy/sad days.  Sad because the auction signaled the end of an era, as auctions often do.  Folks at whose table I have dined and yapped many a time.  But happy because I got to wander around in the mud shootin’ the breeze with many Nobbern neighbors.  And I bought my wife a bench grinder.  Yessir.  You think I’m joking.

Been awhile since I’d auctioned, and I had to hone my bid nod.  Buddy of mine says you’re shootin’ for about a 12 degree tilt.  There are other issues: At one point I was about to outbid the feller across the wagon when I snuck a peek and realized it was my Dad.  Y’gotta pay attention.

Best story of the day since it didn’t happen to me: My brother accidentally bought a tractor.  Yes.  Accidentally.  Bought a tractor.  He was standin’ there kinda kickin’ the dirt and someone said how you gonna explain that to your wife?  And he said, “I don’t know, I’ve never had to do that before!”

It’s the morning after.  I just called him.  Let’s just say he’s got a strong and patient wife.  His shop floor is heated, but he didn’t have to sleep on it.

Video version of the tractor story here (at least I think I talk about the tractor).